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Funeral Planning Checklist: Planning Your Own Arrangements in Advance

This is a checklist for planning your own funeral while you are alive and able to make the decisions. It is not the list your family will need in the first forty-eight hours after you die — that is a separate document, and it is what to do when someone dies. The two are related, but they are used by different people at different moments, and confusing them is one reason families end up improvising.

Pre-planning is mostly free. Writing down what you want, naming someone authorized to carry it out and telling your family where the paperwork lives costs nothing, and it removes most of the decisions your survivors would otherwise make from scratch, during the worst week of their lives, using guesses about what you would have wanted.

Most of this is one afternoon of writing things down, two phone calls to funeral homes and one conversation with the person you are naming. The whole checklist is repeated in copyable form near the end of the page.

Step 1: Write down what you want done with your body

Start with disposition, because everything else follows from it. The options generally available are burial, cremation with the ashes buried, placed in a niche, kept or scattered, natural or green burial, and donation of the body to a medical school. Donation programs have eligibility rules and enrollment forms that must be completed in advance rather than at the time of death.

Write your preference down, date it and sign it. A written instruction matters more than a conversation for three reasons: memory is unreliable under grief; survivors disagree, and a document gives them something neutral to point at instead of arguing about who you told what; and the person who ends up with legal authority over your remains may not be the person you had the conversation with. Be specific enough to be useful. "Cremation" is a start. "Direct cremation, no viewing, ashes to the family, a gathering at the house" is an instruction someone can follow.

Step 2: Name who carries it out, and check which document your state uses

Writing down your wishes is only half of it, because someone has to have the authority to act on them. In many states there is a specific legal document for exactly that — the form that names the person who directs the funeral home, under whatever name your state gives it. It is usually not your will, which may not surface for weeks and generally does not control what happens to your body in the days immediately after death. It is also usually not your healthcare proxy or medical power of attorney, whose authority typically ends when you do. Where no designation exists, many states apply a statutory order of next of kin, which may not produce the person you would have chosen.

The form itself, whether it must be witnessed or notarized, and how binding your written wishes are on the family all vary by state. Nothing here is legal advice: confirm what your state requires with an attorney licensed there, or with your state funeral service board, which can usually tell you which document is recognized.

Choose the agent on capability rather than seniority: reachable, able to decide under pressure, and willing. Ask before you name them, give them a copy, and name an alternate.

Step 3: Build the document-location list

This is the most useful item on the page and the part families are most grateful for. Your survivors do not need a perfect binder; they need to know what exists and where it is. Write one sheet listing your will and trust with the attorney's number; every life insurance policy with its carrier, policy number, beneficiary and claim phone number, including old paid-up and group coverage; deeds, vehicle titles and loan payoff information; any prepaid funeral or cemetery contract with its deed or niche certificate; bank, brokerage and retirement accounts with their beneficiaries; your Social Security number, birth and marriage certificates and any divorce decree; and your military discharge papers, since form DD-214 is required to claim veterans burial benefits.

Two cautions. Note where the safe deposit box key is, but do not keep the only copy of anything urgent inside it, since access after death depends on state law and bank policy. And do not write passwords on the sheet — use a password manager with an emergency access contact, or leave a sealed envelope with your attorney or agent. Keep the originals somewhere your agent can reach without a court order.

Step 4: Know the difference between pre-planning and pre-paying

These get used interchangeably and they are not the same decision. Pre-planning means recording your decisions: disposition, service, agent, price lists, where the documents are. It costs nothing, it is reversible, and there is essentially no downside. Pre-paying means handing money to a funeral home now for services later. It may lock in today's price on that provider's own goods and services, but it carries risks that pre-planning does not:

• Portability. If you move, or your family wants the service near them, the contract may not transfer, or may transfer only with a fee or the loss of the price guarantee.
• The provider's future. Funeral homes close and change hands. Whether your money survives that depends on how the contract was funded and on your state's trusting and bonding rules. Ask where the money is held and what happens if the business does not exist when it is needed.
• What is actually guaranteed. Guarantees often cover the home's own goods and services but not cash advance items it buys on your behalf, such as obituary placement, clergy honorarium, death certificates and cemetery fees. Ask for guaranteed and non-guaranteed items listed separately, in writing.
• Cancellation. Getting out may return less than you paid in, and an irrevocable contract may not be cancellable at all.

None of that makes pre-paying wrong. It makes it a contract to read closely, with someone independent reading it too, and to weigh against the alternatives — final expense insurance vs a prepaid funeral plan lays out the trade-offs. An irrevocable prepaid contract is also sometimes used in Medicaid planning, and that treatment is state-specific, so confirm it with an elder law attorney rather than with the person selling the contract.

Step 5: Get two General Price Lists before you need one

This is the highest-value hour in the whole process, and almost nobody spends it. Under the FTC Funeral Rule, a funeral home must give you an itemized written General Price List when you ask for it in person, and must let you buy individual items rather than forcing you into a package.

Get the list from two homes in your area, not one, and put both in your file. Ask each for the price of what you have decided on: direct cremation and immediate burial as complete line items, the basic services fee that is generally non-declinable, transport including mileage, and cash advance items along with whether the home marks them up. Ask too whether the home will accept a casket or urn bought elsewhere, because under the Funeral Rule it may not charge you a handling fee for one you bought from a third party. Two written lists in a folder is what turns a grieving family's guesswork into a comparison, and the funeral cost calculator lets you total your own choices before you make the calls.

Step 6: Write down the service you want, and the parts you do not

Be as brief or as detailed as you like, but write it down: whether there is a service at all and whether it is religious, where it is held and who officiates, open or closed casket, the music and readings, who you would like to speak, pallbearers, flowers or donations, military honors if you are eligible, and where the ashes go if there are ashes. Add what you specifically do not want, which is often the most useful line in the whole document.

Write the obituary too, or at least the facts for it: names spelled correctly, dates, places, military service, work, and a photograph you would actually have chosen. Newspapers generally charge by the line or the inch with an added charge for a photo, so length is a budget decision as well as an editorial one. How to write an obituary has a structure you can follow.

Step 7: Decide how it gets paid for

Write the funding source on the same sheet as the wishes, because a plan with no money attached becomes somebody else's credit card. Be clear-eyed about what the government contributes: Social Security pays a one-time lump-sum death payment of $255 to an eligible surviving spouse or dependent child. It has been $255 since 1954, and it is the entire federal contribution toward a funeral. It will not cover the death certificates.

Realistic sources are a dedicated savings or payable-on-death account, existing life insurance, a small final expense policy bought for the purpose, a prepaid contract, VA benefits if you are eligible, or the family being reimbursed from the estate. If you are sizing a policy, how much final expense coverage do you need works from your own price list rather than a round number. Either way, money that requires a claim takes days to weeks to arrive while a funeral home usually wants a deposit sooner, so keep a small amount of accessible cash.

Step 8: Review it every few years

A plan written once and never reopened goes stale quietly. Re-read it every two or three years, and immediately after a move to another state, where the recognized document may differ; the death or relocation of your named agent; a marriage, divorce or death that changes who your beneficiaries should be; a chosen funeral home closing or being sold; or a change in your health or your policies. Note the review date on the front of the file and make sure your agent always has the current version.

The checklist, in one piece

Copy this and keep it with the documents it describes.

Decisions

• Burial, cremation, green burial or donation — written down, dated and signed.
• If cremation: what happens to the ashes, and who decides.
• Service or no service; where, who officiates, music, readings, speakers, pallbearers.
• Flowers or donations; military honors if eligible; and what you do not want.

People and authority

• Agent for disposition named, asked and given a copy, using the document your state recognizes.
• Alternate agent named; executor named and told where the will is.
• People to notify, with phone numbers; pet caretaker named and asked.

Paper

• Will and trust located; attorney's contact noted.
• Every life insurance policy listed with policy number and claim phone number.
• Deeds, titles, loan information and any prepaid funeral or cemetery contract located.
• Bank, brokerage and retirement accounts listed with their beneficiaries.
• Social Security number, birth and marriage certificates, divorce decree, DD-214.
• Digital access arranged without writing passwords down.
• One sheet listing where all of it is kept, with a copy given to your agent.

Money and upkeep

• General Price Lists from two funeral homes in the file, with a total written down.
• Funding source identified, and if it is insurance, the beneficiary designation checked.
• A small amount of accessible cash for the first few days.
• Review date noted, and your agent holding the current version.

What this list is, and what it is not

It is a planning document, not a legal instrument. Which wishes are binding, which form your state recognizes for naming an agent, and how a conflict between a will and a disposition designation is resolved are all matters of state law, so confirm the documents with an attorney licensed in your state or with your state funeral board before relying on them.

Keep the distinction clear for your family too. This list is what you decide in advance; the list they will need in the first days after a death is what to do when someone dies. Print both and put them in the same folder. finalexpensechoice.com is not an insurance company, but if part of your plan is a small policy to fund it, you can start at get a quote or call (888) 415-8284.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does my will control what happens to my body?

Generally no. A will deals with property and may not be located or admitted to probate for weeks, while decisions about your remains are made within a day or two. Many states use a separate document that names an agent to control disposition, and where none exists a statutory order of next of kin applies. Confirm which document your state recognizes with an attorney licensed there or with your state funeral board.

Are my written funeral wishes legally binding on my family?

It depends on your state and on which document you used. In some states a properly executed designation of an agent for disposition is binding and the funeral home must follow it; in others written wishes carry weight but the person with legal authority can depart from them. Either way, a signed and dated written instruction is far stronger than a remembered conversation. This is a question for an attorney licensed in your state rather than for a general guide.

Should I prepay my funeral now?

It depends, and for many people the better answer is to pre-plan without pre-paying. Pre-planning costs nothing and is reversible; pre-paying hands over money years early and carries portability risk if you move, provider risk if the funeral home closes or is sold, and guarantee gaps on cash advance items such as obituaries and death certificates. Prepaying can still be right if you want to lock a price with a specific provider or you are doing Medicaid planning, but read the contract with someone independent first.

How is this different from the checklist for after someone dies?

This one is written by you, in advance, and records decisions: disposition, agent, service preferences, funding and where the documents are. The after-death checklist is used by your survivors in the first days and covers who to call, how many certified death certificates to order, which benefits to claim and which accounts to close. Prepare this one now and leave the other alongside it, so your family is reading instructions rather than inventing them.

How often should I update my funeral plan?

Read it through every two or three years, and immediately after a move to another state, the death or relocation of the agent you named, a marriage or divorce, a material change in your health, or a change to a policy or prepaid contract. A move matters more than people expect, because the document your new state recognizes may not be the one you signed. Make sure whoever holds a copy receives the current version each time.